It was an unusual day.
I have not seen my youngest child have a terror like this since our early days in the hospital. It was 4am and both he and I were jolted to our nonsenses by needles and screams and blood and “soothing voices.” Sounds like a horror flick. Welcome to pediatric oncology.
That set the tone to our day. Then I got a text that said I was upsetting people by making a blog of this journey. I suppose I got more personal than some would expect and I apologize more than anything by using names. It was just writing from my heart and I did not mean any harm.
I got very angry at said text. I lashed out. The person sending the text could not have known how hard the night had been, how hard the last 30 days have been, how hard it is not to smack your cancer-ridden child while you are being pummeled because you are the only target who will still love him.
I calmed down and said I would no longer blog. However, here’s the deal: nobody wants me out there running rampant without an outlet. Not everyone reads. Not everyone writes. I can say this: anything good I have ever read was TRUE and from the HEART. I do not aim to be “good”. I aim to be true. I made a huge mistake and used names.
My memoir uses fake names. I will publish it someday and it has nothing to do with this. I feel stories are important to tell. Even the false stories have a meaning. This story has meaning to people who do not yet know it has meaning. They may not even be born yet. It even has meaning to those it upsets.
We bracketed our day with another terror. And the Fish Channel plays on. The boy has finally let go of the day, but it was like wrestling the blood moon to come inside and rest.
#nonames. #iapologize.#omg i love my sister