This disease can tear someone up. Not just the afflicted. People will use your child’s illness as an excuse for all types of behavior.
Myself, I have used it as an excuse to gain a lot of weight, quit exercising and just do the bare minimum to get by. I have also used it as an excuse to get very mad. I am very protective of this kid–all three of them, actually. Ask the woman who got a call from me on Thanksgiving Day as a result of her daughter bullying my daughter.
I am no angel. However, I have drawn the line a good while back about certain behaviours and when I entrust my son with AML to certain folks, I really expect them to tow the line. Suffice it to say, we had an incident and I have lost the remainder of my family aside from my eldest brother. It’s been a pressure cooker. It finally blew.
I’m almost glad it did. Now we can just move forward with this journey with no distractions. I don’t have to be angry anymore. I don’t have to be co-dependent. I don’t have to be involved with unhealthy relationships which make me feel like saying unhealthy things. I do not have to win.
There is an old adage: Do You Want To Be Right? Or Do You Want To Be Happy? I can’t be totally happy right now but I do not have to be right. I don’t owe anyone anything. Eh, I probably owe my mother an apology because she doesn’t see things my way and that is purely none of my business. I can move forward, like many many other people do without a family of origin. I do not have to be right. I can endure sickening verbal abuse and retaliate verbally or I can simply not respond. I can give the assailant enough rope to hang himself. I can be the bigger person. I WILL be the bigger person.
I will focus on our journey. This will just be a chapter in Ashton’s journey to recovery. It will only be a blip, not even a chapter. He may outlive the assailant. I hope will all live until we are ready to die. I do not have to stoop to the level of anyone beneath me by responding.
I really messed up today. I refused to let somebody win. Now that the sun is going down, the thunder is starting (the real thunder outside, not in my heart), I see where my ego would not let me give up. I was so hurt, so I got so angry and I did not check myself.
(You gotta check yo’self before you wreck yo’self) <Scott Trent.
Team Ashton just got a little smaller and that’s my fault for speaking my mind first appropriately and then, inappropriately out of anger.
Team Ashton will still prevail.
Got my eye back on the BALL.